This is what it feels like to have poor self-discipline:
You're laying in bed angry, frustrated and wishing you had gotten up earlier. The baby is crying in his room, and you had been doing SO well for 2 weeks straight- getting up to have your quiet time, exercising and sticking to that eating plan. What happened?
It feels like you can't stick to anything longterm.
Why can my husband make a decision, and flip a switch and start a new habit like a robot? And I am constantly flopping and failing in my goals. Is it because he played sports, and stuck with things and learned at an early age that he can't listen to his feelings all the time? My childhood was pretty much the opposite- all feelings, not much sticking-it-out. I use to feel angry that my parents never made me stick with something long term. Soccer, piano, tennis, dance, anything. It would be so nice to have a refined skill set, and fully developed my potential in even just one area.
Do you wish for the same?
Do you ever wish you had really seen something through? That someone was there cheering you on and helping you always take the next right step?
Do you, like me, now feel handicapped (and a little resentful at times) that you can't seem to stick with healthy changes in your life for the long haul?
Well, dear, if that is you too, then I want to remind us both of something:
"God uses all things together for the good for those who love him and are called according to his purposes." Romans 8:28
This scripture is just the best. Whenever we are tempted to focus on the ways that we were short-changed or overlooked, BOOM, Romans 8:28. I just love it.
Because I don't know about you, but the truth is that it was in all of my FAILING that I came to Christ. And it is all of my failing, weak moments that still make me cry out and realize how much I need him. (And it is my failing moments- not my success- right now that is connecting me to you. Praise God!)
The failure, the depression, when I don't have it in me to win at life and be successful.
The times I am trying to give so much to my kids that I wasn't given. Be so much for my kids that nobody was for me.
And looking back it was my broken past that lead me to Jesus.
It was not in spite of falling through the cracks that I came to him, it was BECAUSE I had fallen through the cracks.
All of the people in my life who let me down, served as arrows to point me to Jesus. If I had gone through high school in a stable home with good grades and lots of support- I don't believe I would have ultimately ended up on my knees at God's feet. Peoples' love and affirmation might have been just sweet enough to keep me trudging forward in my own strength. Just strong enough, just whole enough, that I might be missing out on the real lover of my soul. The one who gave me life and gives me REAL love, REAL wholeness, and REAL strength.
Yes, I am tempted at times to wish my earlier life had panned out differently. I wish someone had seen to it that I had stuck some things out so I could have had better grades, a better degree, could play an instrument or a sport really well.
But would I trade in my wholeness in Christ for all of that? NO WAY!!!
"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28
God let us know it! Let us know that you have worked (and are working) our broken past and our broken moments for your glory. Let us keep letting you work in our hearts and lives- so they can be more beautiful and look how YOU want them to look. Amen.
