Tomorrow I will quietly start homeschooling my kids.
I have no elaborate schedule made and my refrigerator is almost empty until next pay day.
I don’t have a big organizational binder or any outings planned.
Two days ago I cried as I was putting together my daughter’s Essentials binder for Classical Conversations. It was complicated and felt overwhelming for a first-timer.
I cried because I never want her to be the child who is ill-prepared. That was me. And also because I’ve had some health issues that effect my concentration and memory at times. I was picturing myself in our first CC class meeting, not understanding or being able to remember how to do anything by the time we get home.
My health has also taken a tole on my energy and appearance. I am on the mend, but have had so many ups and downs this summer alone. The lows leave me in a tailspin and sometimes I get caught staring in the mirror at my protruding stomach or red, inflamed face.
I don’t want to compare myself to other women but it’s just flat hard not too sometimes. I’ve worked so hard to heal my body and restore my health, and when I see other women who seem so naturally healthy and energetic, I tend to feel envious.
We are all fighting different battles as women and as mothers, and sometimes we feel we are on the verge of being swallowed alive.
“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.” -2 Cor 4:8-9
I’ve found this scripture to be so true that you can lie down and rest on it.
I’ve not been able to be all things to all people, but God has sustained me to be a wife to my husband and a mom to my children- praise God!
I’m certainly not a perfect one, not even close, but even in the midst of hardship he makes me lie down in green pastures and leads me beside quiet waters. He is surely still leading me.
And what I felt like God impressed on my heart today was this:
Just plan the first week.
So that’s what I’m doing tonight.
Instead of working myself into a knot trying to plan out our entire schedule perfectly- I am planning our first week of homeschool.
He has also been using other moms to remind me to slow down and enjoy this homeschool year with my kids. Instead of fretting how much we get done- to just spend time with my children, go for walks as we recite our memory work- just slow down and be with them.
I always thought that was floofy talk.
But as someone who has been hell-bent on her own version of perfection for far too long- being in the moment with my kids sounds lovely. It sounds like life.
My friends, please pray for me that God can keep my focus on my priorities: Him and my family for starters.
That instead of worrying about what my house and my body look like- that I would use those very tools to love and teach and bless the people God has entrusted to me.
Please Jesus, reward and bless all of the Moms who fear you and who keep pressing forward, however weary, as all of the fears, lies and jealousies fight for our attention.
Thank you that you are still in control of this world even when we are tempted to think otherwise.
Please help us to rely on YOU, to know YOU more, and to guard our hearts as we walk peacefully on the path you’ve laid out before us.
And please fill us with your Holy Spirit so we can bear your fruits along the way!!
He leads me by still waters:-)