Sometimes it’s hard for a mom to understand the needs of her son. They can feel like a different breed of humans because, well, they kind of are!
As a mom of three boys and one girl, I can honestly say it has taken me a little while to really grasp what my boys need to flourish.
They each have such different personalities, strengths, and weaknesses.
My 16-year old is quiet, observant and sensitive.
My 4-year old is bold, outgoing and fearless
And my 3-year old is silly, tender and shy
However, there is a common thread that runs through all of them. And just like girls have a few things that really help them thrive and flourish, boys are no different.
Here is what I’ve observed up close that has made them the healthiest, best versions of themselves.
And if you, as a mom, can focus on helping give your son these 5 things, you will see him thrive and start to grow into a more mature, grounded, confident, and happy young man.
1. A personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
If you want to set your son up for success in his life, this is the best thing you can teach him.
I have watched this turn so many mens’ hearts around, including my own husband’s in his 20’s.
His character did a complete 180, and now I am so proud and happy of the man he has become and is continuing to become. Becoming a Christian shifted his focus to God and others (instead of selfish pursuits) and has made him a great father, husband, man and friend- because he has put his life in God’s hands and is now following God’s ways and not his own.
I want my sons to be these kinds of men as well, and I’m so glad they have their father to set this example.
We have taught our sons about having a personal relationship with God mainly by doing these three things:
Reading the Bible with them since they were little. We always keep an age-appropriate Bible on hand for our boys to read with us or on their own. Our oldest son even had this cool lego Bible for a season and he LOVED it!
Praying together as a family. My husband and I are open with our kids about our faith, and we pray together often about struggles, before meals, for other people, or just because.
Talking to our boys about what it means to have a personal relationship with Christ. We encourage them to read their Bible and pray on their own, and teach them to tell God their deepest issues, struggles, fears, joys and celebrations. That’s prayer!!
2. Hard work
I don’t know what it is, but there is just something about hard work that is so good for boys and men of all ages.
It is something in how God wired them.
Teaching your son the value of hard work is so important, but even more important is setting up times and opportunities for your son to work hard.
Daily chores, especially ones that require physical exertion and being outside, like stacking firewood or mowing the lawn are great!
Our teenage son has had a lawn-mowing business for a few years now and every time he gets home from mowing a lawn, I can see the shift in his attitude. He is happier, more energetic and more respectful toward everyone in the house.
It’s like this magical switch that goes off from the hard work!
Team sports are another great avenue for your son to exert himself and work hard!
As much as your son might fight back at first and want to be lazy instead- it is SO important that you show him and give him the opportunity to work hard on a regular basis.
3. Respect Respect Respect
I typed it three times because this is HUGE for boys and men of all ages.
Just like our primary need as women is to feel loved, a man’s primary need is to feel RESPECTED.
And it is no different with boys!
I was guilty of applying this principle in my marriage (which turned things around drastically) - but not seeing how this applied to parenting my sons.
This book changed everything!!
If you have not already, you need to learn about this principle in both your marriage and your parenting. Period.
4. A few healthy relationships
Boys need people to shoulder-up with and do life alongside.
If they don’t have a healthy friendship or two, it will be very difficult to stay on a good path and thrive.
Help encourage healthy friendships with other godly young-men, so your son can build the courage, confidence and comradery he needs to walk tall on his own path.
Also, having a male role-model is extremely important.
Hopefully this is his father, but if not, do you best to help your son cultivate a relationship with a healthy male figure who can serve as a role model.
He needs to see what it looks like to be a man.
5. People for him to love and care for
Notice I didn’t say people to love and care for him (although that is important), I said people for him to love and care for.
When childhood gives way to young-adulthood, and your boy becomes a man, he will find a woman who he can work hard to protect, pursue and hopefully marry. That is a great thing!
Having the responsibility to love and care for other people gives men a sense of purpose and a reason to push themselves to aim higher and do better.
As a young man, this might take the form of younger siblings or cousins.
It is a good thing for your young man to have the responsibility of caring for these younger people to a reasonable extent.
If he does not have siblings to help with, help him cultivate big-brother type relationships with some younger people at church or in your extended family.
Encourage him to be a good role model to them and remind him every now and then that these younger children look up to him!
These conversations should always take place in a positive tone. I can’t stress that enough.
Above all, your young man needs to see that you believe in him, and that you like him!
So don’t forget to remind him often, and always try to come from a place of encouragement, belief in his character, and optimism about who he can become!
Two resources you might love!♥
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