There is nothing on earth like being fully loved.♥
It’s what we dream about from the time we are little girls!
Then we grow up and realize that reality is brutal.
Men are typically not delicate with women and things don’t work like they do in fairy tales. (Hang tight, we’re coming back to this!)
Now I’m almost 40 and most married couples I know don’t even touch eachother.
There is so much hurt and unmet expectation.
It is not even in them to put a hand lovingly on their spouse’s leg.
It is clear to me that we were created to do things much differently then we’re doing them.
So, if you are still flexible and optimistic enough to want BETTER for your own marriage, and if you are humble enough to look at things differently- you are in the PERFECT space to grow and increase intimacy in your marriage.
These are the 3 best tips I know: ♥
1. Cultivate a deep and personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Use it to pray for your man.
Don’t gloss over this point. Please.
Your spirit is THE REAL YOU and will set the tone for everything else in your life, especially your marriage.
Most women make the mistake of thinking that their spouse is suppose to make them happy, and that he should be the source of feeling truly and deeply loved!
Not so, my dear!
I know from experience.
I’ve lived it both ways.
I use to be so reliant on my man to keep me happy and my well-being was always based on our current status. It was exhausting!
I never had real peace because I never knew when the next “incident” or “let down” would come.
That’s no way to live!
Relying on a flawed man to keep you happy all the time will only lead to a constant state of disappointment.
It wasn’t until I learned to put my man in God’s hands, and seek God for myself, that my heart and my love life really began to change.
There is NOTHING on earth like forming a personal relationship with Jesus through honest prayer and reading his word.
My relationship with God is stronger and more special than my relationship with my husband and that is the way it should be.
It keeps me safe and peaceful.
Prayer, and talking to Jesus about your marriage is a million times more powerful than complaining to your husband yet again.
When I stopped trying to control, and started praying for my husband is when everything began to change.
I found the freedom to enjoy my man!
Here is my favorite scripture to pray for my husband:
“For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God.”
I have watched God bring this scripture to life in my husband, before my very eyes!
Prayer works!
Seeking God works!
Don’t think of it as a side note- it is EVERYTHING!
2. Break the yucky cycle.
Here is the yucky cycle:
Without physical intimacy, he reacts by withholding emotional intimacy- without emotional intimacy she reacts by withholding physical intimacy.
Are you stuck in this yucky cycle?
You better believe that is exactly where the enemy wants to keep you!
Why? Because everyday you go without physical intimacy in your marriage, is a day closer to your marriage dying on the vine.
It’s true.
There is an unspoken language that takes place in the bedroom between a husband and wife that goes deeper than anything words could say.
And you better believe the enemy wants to keep you apart!
Stop thinking about sex in a worldly way. Take the time to heal your mind.
It is very hard for us to not keep score and hold back physical intimacy- but if we submit and surrender in this way, we will find it is the very thing that rekindles the love we are looking for from our spouse.
If you’ve not read the book Love and Respect, there is no other book I can recommend more highly for you marriage.
This book talks more about The Crazy Cycle and will help you find you bearings in your marriage.
3. Humility and Humor
Most people don’t know how to apologize.
But once you muster up the humility to do it once- a new freedom floods in!
It gets easier each time.
Do you know how to apologize?
Do you know how to laugh at yourself?
Marriage is the most helpful tool to humble us in these ways!
As women we need to just sometimes laugh at ourselves for the anger and frustrations that just bubbles over at times.
There are times that I look at my husband and feel so annoyed or angry, AND I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHY!
We need to be able to laugh about these things, and about the kids being little buttheads, and about gray hairs- or else we will go mad!
Humility to not need to be perfect.
We often have this vision of who we want to be- financially, physically and just what we want our life to be like.
And let’s be honest, we are falling short.
And let’s be honest again- we want to blame our husband for this much of the time.
It’s a good thing to cry and laugh, and share those vulnerable moments with your husband. He loves you.
And the truth is that God has you in the very position you are in because he wants to soften and mature you. He wants you to let go of materialistic and selfish motives, and go to HIS feet for fulfillment.
Maybe he needs to mature you enough to handle with grace the very blessing you are hoping for!
Our culture has trained us to expect so much from each-other- rather than to give so much grace!
Let the culture in your home different. Let it be one of grace, humility and closeness- with lots of touchy-feely love! ♥
A COUPLE FREE RESOURCES YOU MIGHT LOVE! ♡
Putting Your Man in God’s Hands
A 5-DAY GUIDE TO HELP YOU:
Let go of control and become the woman you’ve always wanted to be.
Have the courage to believe God’s word above your feelings.
Find the blessing of doing less
Cultivate the power of Respect
Learn how to draw up appropriate boundaries in your marriage.
Healing Your Heart When Your Family-of-Origin was Broken by Divorce
