I closed my eyes and clenched my teeth as I was about to speak words into the phone that felt so fake and unnatural to me.

This is the best marriage advice if you want to win back your husband’s heart and start over in your marriage. If you are struggling and need marriage encouragement and tips on how to start over and have a better marriage, or how to fix my marriage …

We were not even married yet.

Yet, we were going on four years of the most bipolar and dysfunctional relationship you can imagine. I was exhausted.

I knew we loved each other deep down, but we could not make our relationship work. There had been too much lying, distrust, jealousy and brokenness that it felt impossible for us to ever be a normal, happy couple. (If this is you and you are NOT MARRIED yet, click here.)

I was in the habit of protecting myself from him, yet I still loved him so much.

To complicate things ever further, he was living in Georgia and I was back home in Massachusetts raising our son.

Complicated is an understatement.

But I had just finished reading the first three chapters of Emerson Eggerich’s book Love & Respect. Earlier that day it had jumped out at me at the bookstore, seemingly begging me to read it.

This must have been God’s hand at work.

As soon as I opened this book I was hooked.

For the first time in my life, I was reading about a man’s deepest needs, and how they were different than mine.

And in my attempt to show Derek all of these years that I LOVED him, I had completely ignored his enormous need to feel RESPECTED.

It was a simple concept, yet so foreign to me, and my head was spinning as I read example after example of women trying this new language and how it immediately changed their marriage.

I wasn’t sure I bought it, which is why I was clenching my eyes and teeth as I was about to try this experiment in my own relationship.

On a man who had been sending me mixed signals for over a year. Saying he loved me and yet not having the emotional or spiritual maturity to back it up with his actions.

It didn’t matter. I loved him and I could see forever in his eyes. I wanted to make things work.

So through my clenched teeth, I spoke these words into the phone:

“I just want to let you know that I respect your decision to stay there and work- and I trust your judgment.”

I was purposeful to use the word respect, and let him know I trusted him.

Silence.

And then came these words back through the phone:

“WOW!…..Well, your Christmas present just got a lot bigger!”

Ha! So cheesy I know, but I don’t think he even knew how to respond. He was literally scrambling for words!

I was shocked at how quickly I could tell this was unlike anything I had ever learned about relationships. This respect-talk thing WORKED!

“When a wife respects her husband she does not become a doormat, in fact, he starts rolling out the red carpet for her.”- Emmerson Eggerichs.

For me, this began the journey of letting go.

I stopped trying to control so many things and I started just being the lady, and respecting my man.

Somehow it also helped me to start being more responsive and verbally express trust and gratitude in a way that speaks directly to his heart.

Derek and I have now been married for 11+ years.

He has grown to be a man who I admire, admonish and truly respect more than any other person I know. He loves the Lord, is a great husband and father and is a leader to other men.

Our reconciliation all those years ago, as well as our success and happiness as a couple today, is largely due to the principals of love and respect that God brought to my attention all of those years ago.

If you are struggling with intimacy, cohesion and communication with your man, I understand what that is like, I realize there could be layers upon layers of distrust and hurt.

But sometimes the simplest act of ladylike trust and respect for your husband can cut through layers of built-up walls and give you a fresh start in your marriage.

Try it!